I am a biologist with hopes of one day discovering life on another planet. Writing has always been a fun hobby for me and now I am starting to take it a bit more seriously. My life goal is to help change the world for the better.
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Writing in Review:
Run for your life through the Field of Fright…
On the run with nowhere else to hide, a wanted man is forced to escape into a vast cornfield owned by the local mystery man of a small town.
They said never to go onto Mr. Davis’s land. That whole place is cursed.
But when the police come knocking at Marcus’ door at 2:00 in the morning, his options are limited and he never really believed in curses in the first place. As he flees through the mysterious farmland, he starts to realize he was perhaps safer in police custody as the monster in the cornfield proves to be more terrifying and more deadly than anyone could have ever imagined…
Fire alarms, sprinklers, and a flooded laboratory…
Packed with action and anxiety-inducing horror, step into the point of view of a scientist waiting to be rescued after a terrifying laboratory accident. Locked away in the dark for days with no food or water, sit beside them as they slowly start to lose their mind and all hope for rescue. Stay tuned for part two of ‘Drip Drop’ coming soon!
Coming Soon!!!
Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night: A Call to Keep Going
Do not go gentle into that good night; rage, rage against the dying of the light. Written in 1951 by poet Dylan Thomas, this poem encourages a fierce and passionate approach to life, even in the face of death. This short blog post analyzes the poem’s original meaning as well as how it can be applied to adversities in life.
Eighteen days until the release of ‘Edge of Nowhere’ part two!
Coming December 5th, the thrilling and intense continuation of ‘Edge of Nowhere’. Brace yourselves as the troubled investigator steps foot onto the mysterious planet Suuma and unravels a mystery of a lifetime.
They said to never go into Mr. Davis’ cornfield because the entire land is cursed, but in this particular circumstance Marcus had no choice. Awakened at 2:45 AM to the sound of police banging on his apartment door coupled with the barking and growling of dogs, was enough to make anyone take the risk. He didn’t know why anyone was coming after him but he knew he had to run.
With nothing but a wifebeater, cargo pants, and his crocs, Marcus slid out the back door and flew to the cornfields behind the complex. Using his arms to shield his face, he crashed through the tall stalks for thirty minutes before stumbling upon the enormous, menacing creature standing proudly in the middle of the dense vegetation.
Like a magnificant statue, it towered ten feet off the ground, secured in place by a thick wooden stake. The oversized jeans and xxl flannel shirt were packed full of straw, and what Marcus assumed to be one of Mr. davis’ old hats was positioned atop a round, fleshy-looking head. The eyes of the scarecrow were what captured his attention the most.
They were piercing black orbs about the size of ping pong balls and had a sheen to them that made them look almost alive against the fleshy skin. The eyes pierced into his soul and sent a shiver down his spine.
“Well, I’ll be.” he said as he inched closer. “you are one sorry-looking son of a bitch aren’t you? I think I’m gonna name you Randall.”
A shrill scream pierced the air followed by several snarls, high-pitched yips, and three gunshots jerking Marcus’ attention away from the scary beast. He bolted further into the cornfield with nothing but the dim moonlight to guide him for two miles. An intense stabbing pain pierced his sides with every breath and Marcus slowed his running to a brisk walk before stopping completely. He winced at a sharp, stinging sensation spread throughout his arms and his legs.
Looking down, his eyes widened at the sight of dark liquid oozing out of his skin and streaming down his exposed appendages. Some of it was smeared. Upon closer inspection, he discovered tiny gashes covering his whole body. The running and the fear from earlier made him immune to the lacerations left by the leaves of the corn. Now that the adrenaline had died down, it was all kicking in.
“Shit.” He mumbled as he took off his wifebeater.
He balled it up and used it as a rag to wipe the blood off his skin. Once he was finished, he tucked it into one of his pant pockets and checked his surroundings. Everything was quiet now. Almost too quiet. The kind of quiet that is so quiet its actually deafening. He jumped and his heart started racing when his eyes caught what stood in front of him.
Standing there looking at him, was another enormous gaunt figure. Could it be the same scarecrow from before? There’s no way that would have been possible unless he went in a complete circle. Marcus turned and peered at the ground around him and his skin went cold.
The trail he left was gone now. There was no sign of him trapsing through the corn at all. The only disturbed part of the field was this 7ft diameter circle he was standing in. Towering over him and giving a judgemental glare was the ten foot tall figure stuffed with straw from before. Beads of sweat began to form on his forehead and he walked closer to inspect it.
The intense gaze coupled with furrowed brows and contorted features gave off a vibe of anger and disapproval.
“Well, howdy once again, Randall.” Marcus half-chuckled tipping his head in a mock salute.
He marched forward to the other end of the circle and took a glance at the stars to which he found the north star and began to follow it through the dense foliage. North would take him out of the field and the opposite direction of the town and the police. As he walked, he pondered why the police were at his apartment. Surely, it wasn’t due to the missing person’s case on that woman that disappeared a few weeks ago. According to the gossip in the appartments, she was on drugs and her boyfriend had supposedly disposed of her in a dispute. Still, he was to blame for all of the issues in that town. Part of the downside to being an ex con since his youth.
He wandered until a dense fog began to grow in the field and clouds began to block out the stars, covering his visual direction. He had to be close now. He had to be. He had been walking the same direction for a few hours. Though he could no longer see the stars, he still felt like he was going in the right direction. So much time had passed, he didn’t realize when he stumbled upon the same clearing from before coming face to face with Randall, the grotesque scarecrow.
His heart raced and he let out a quiet yell in disgust as he searched for his trail behind him and to his dismay found no trace once again of his wanderings through this seemingly endless cornfield.
He stopped for a moment in frustration and wonder.
“What the hell is going on?” he whispered to himself and spun in a circle to find his bearings.
He couldn’t have been lost. He knew exactly where he was going. Fog or not. He picked up the pace to a speed walk and then a run through the field until he ran out of breath and could no longer see due to the fog. As he stood in the tall stalks, his ears picked up a rustling to his right.
His body tensed. Balling his hands into fists, he stopped and held his breath as the rustling grew closer. He let out a small sigh when a raccoon came out of the stalks and obsered him with curiosity for a moment. They locked eyes before the furry creature ambled off to the left side of him.
He picked up the pace once again and began jogging through the rows, not caring where he ended up, just wanting to leave the corn field and get to somewhere other than here.
Maybe this place is cursed. He thought to himself before quickly shaking the thought from his mind and continuing forward.
As he trudged on, his ears picked up a scream sending him into a panic and into a full sprint. Not caring that the plant leaves were cutting into his bare skin, he ran like his life depended on it to get as far away from this place as he could.
The big toe on his left foot dug into the ground at an odd angle in his crocs causing his ankle to twist sideways and he went tumbling onto the ground. When he finally came to his senses and spit the dirt out of his mouth, his eyes picked up a shiny object in front of him. He extended his arm out and picked up the small, delicate item. It was a silver locket with a picture of two old people in it. His blood ran cold.
The woman from the town who had gone missing was wearing a locket just like this. But if her druggie boyfriend was the one who killed her, why was the locket here in the middle of this endless cornfield in the middle of nowhere. Why wasn’t she buried in a ditch somewhere just as everyone had predicted. His ponderings were cut short when he looked up to find the scarecrow looking back at him.
“What the hell?” he exclaimed. “Not you again!”
He stood up and wiped the dirt from himself and stared at the ugly creature once more. It’s menacing glare piercing his soul. The longer he looked at it, the more unsettled he became and he wondered how long he had been out here running in circles. It was still uncomfortably silent and the screams and shrieks of the officers and their dogs had Marcus wondering if they had been killed somehow.
He slowly backed away from the scary creature wanting nothing but to leave this place. He backed into one of the tall, green corn stalks and as it touched his skin, a sticky glue sensation took hold of his arms and shoulders. He flailed in a futile attempt to leave its grasp but it was no use. The leaves had glued themselves to him and he struggled as they continued to wrap around him tightly until he felt nothing and began to see in a tunnel vision.
Your weekly newsletter with updates on blog posts and upcoming short stories!
Short Stories in Review:
Fire alarms, Sprinklers, and a flooded laboratory…
Packed with action and anxiety-inducing horror, step into the point of view of a scientist waiting to be rescued after a terrifying laboratory accident. Locked away in the dark for days with no food or water, sit beside them as they slowly start to lose their mind and all hope for rescue. Stay tuned for part two of ‘Drip Drop’ coming soon!
On the run on an uncharted planet…
‘Edge of Nowhere’ is a short story filled with suspense. Step onto a planet filled with mystery alongside a troubled private investigator as he unravels the perplex case of a missing vacationer on an uncharted and seemingly obscure planet in the middle of nowhere. Part two will be announced soon.
coming soon!!!
Two days left until the release of ‘Field of Fright’:
Keep your eyes peeled (and peel back the husks of some corn while you’re at it) for the newest horror/sci-fi short story. On the run with nowhere else to hide, a wanted man is forced to escape into a vast cornfield owned by the local mystery man of a small town.
They said never to go onto Mr. Davis’ land. That whole place is cursed.
but when the police come knocking at Marcus’ door at 2:00 in the morning, his options are limited and he never really believed in curses in the first place. As he flees through the mysterious farmland, he starts to realize he was perhaps safer in police custody as the monster in the cornfield proves to be more terrifying and more deadly than anyone could have ever imagined…
More Titles to be Released:
Edge of Nowhere Part Two
Drip Drop Part Two
The Path Less Traveled
The Inheritance
Moldy Cheese Bars
Into Eternity
The Fork and the Fae
Feel Free to check out my blog posts as well!
What is Fear? The Invisible Dream-Killer
Space: To Boldly Go or to Be Grounded Forever?
And Stay tuned for new blog posts between the release dates of the short stories:
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night: A Call to Keep Going
Drip-drop-drip-drop-drip-drop…the rhythmic drumming of the flooded benchtop as it spilled out onto the floor was the only sound that could be heard now. Something had set the fire alarm off a few hours ago, sending the sprinklers on the ceiling into a shower of water, almost flooding the lab. After that, the electricity cut out, leaving me in this dark room, devoid of all sound or life. The dim, red emergency lighting trickled through the window of the door, casting an eerie red glow in the room. My eyes strained to see the steady flow of water trailing from the bench across the floor. Like a snake, it slithered its way across the floor down into the small drain by my feet.
I licked my sticky lips and arcs of lightning shot through my body as I got up off the cold, hard floor. What day is it? I must’ve been trapped in this lab for at least four days now. It wouldn’t have been my first choice but given the circumstances, it was the best I could find in such short time. Drip-drop-drip-I cupped my hands under the edge of the bench and felt the cold liquid splash against my hands until a small pool formed in my palms. When enough water was gathered, I brought them close to my face and slurped.
The way the water hit my lips sent a surge of cold relief through my body. If I wasn’t so dehydrated, I’m pretty sure tears would’ve welled up in my dry eyes. I looked around at the dark room. Aside from how drenched everything was, it looked to be the same small, tidy PCR room as before. It gave off a false sense of security. As though I could just step outside and leave if I wanted. Or just stay here forever. That wasn’t possible though. Four days without food, and with what water I had, I would starve to death before having to face ‘them’. Maybe that was for the best though.
A harsh shriek broke my thoughts and my body turned to stone as I shifted my attention to the door leading out into the hallway. I squinted my burning eyes to see in the dark and I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. I was sure it could be heard from outside. Unable to move, I watched with wide eyes as a shadowy silhouette staggered its way down the hall toward my sanctuary. My skin turned to ice as it grew closer and closer. Drip-drop-drip-drop. Every noise in the room sent waves of fear through me.
The object blocked out the lighting and cast a shadow into the lab as it wavered in front of the door. Surely, it could see me. I tried to duck out of view, but paralysis turned my body into a rigid statue. Gruesome, bloodshot eyes pierced into my soul and the loud clacking of teeth, coupled with the occasional snarl sent me into a full body shiver. I trembled and my breathing became more rapid as I watched the creature stare into the lab for a few minutes before meandering further down the long dark corridor.
Waves of cold washed through me as I closed my eyes and let out a quiet breath. I slinked down onto the floor, running my hands through my damp hair before putting my head between my knees.
“He can’t get in here. Even if he tried. Remember?” a quiet voice pierced through the silence “The electricity is out. The biolocks are broken. The door can only be opened from the inside.”
My head shot up from my lap and looked in the direction the voice was coming from. My now resting heart rate quickened once more.
“No…” my voice cracked. “It can’t be…”
“Shhh.” The voice put a finger to their lips. “Doesn’t mean he won’t come back and try.”
“You’re not here!” I whispered in agony.
“You’re right. I’m not here. Not really ‘here’ in this lab anyway.” The figure gestured to the murky surroundings.
I looked away and closed my eyes.
“Get out of my head.” I scolded.
“I wish I could. It’s not a place I want to be.” The voice responded. “Four days without food. The only water you’ve had is what came out of the tap the first day and what you just drank from the sprinklers. Which is contaminated with lead by the way.”
I turned and glared at the smug individual.
“That’s the least of your worries though. Now that the power is out, so is the ventilation and you know what that means.”
I cocked my head to the side and furrowed my brows.
“No, I don’t. Please elaborate.”
I didn’t even know why I was giving this hallucination the time of day. I guess it was better than having no one to talk to.
The individual scoffed and their face twisted into a smirk.
“You never really were the brightest, were you?” They responded shaking their head. “It’s airborne now. Been airborne all along. You were safe because you had your PAPR and made it to a clean lab. It only stayed clean because of the ventilation pushing all the air out of the room and replenishing it with fresh oxygen. You’re screwed now my friend. Look at the crack under the door. The air from the outside is coming in and contaminating this room. It probably made its way into the nasty lead-contaminated water you just slurped up like a Midwesterner getting drunk at a tailgating party.”
My mouth fell open and my eyes shot to the slit beneath the door. Before I could fully process what had been said, I found myself grasping for my mask and belt.
“It’s not going to help you now. The spores have already made their way into your system. And besides, you only have a few batteries left. You can’t wait it out any longer. You can’t go without food or water. It’s only a matter of time now.”
“Get out of my head!” I shouted as I swatted at the shady figure in front of me.
I took the small mask and strapped it to my face. Beads of cold sweat formed on my forehead as I swapped the battery in my belt. My heart was beating in my ears. Almost drowning out the sound of the water plopping onto the floor.
Drip-drop-drip-drop-drip-clicking a new battery in, I pressed the button on my belt to activate the breathing apparatus. The hot, musty air was replaced with a cool, fresh breeze and a steady hypnotic hum filled my ears. My eyes darted around the lab, checking every corner. The shadowy figure was gone but the voice was still there.
“Still not going to help you. But…if it makes you feel better.” It said in a matter-of-fact tone.
I was shaking like a blender. All control I once had over my body was now gone and I was sure now a cardiac arrest was going to be what took me out. More shrieking pierced through the hum of my battery-powered face mask. It came from the same direction as before and was followed by loud popping noises.
“Oh, you drew someone’s attention. You’re in trouble now.” The voice said.
My legs felt like vices as I stood up and backed into the corner of the lab. My hands felt around at the wall behind me until they found a large, cylindrical object. I turned to see a fire extinguisher. Quickly, I unfastened the straps securing it against the wall and cradled it in my arms. As I did, a few more shadowy figures made their way towards the door.
“It’s now or never.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up as my vision started to blur. There were two large figures at the window. Loud, rhythmic thudding sounded as they beat against the door. I couldn’t see their faces, but I was sure they were also creatures that had overrun this laboratory. There was no one else left alive. I braced myself and readied my fire extinguisher as I tried to slow my breathing. One final blow sent the door flying open. I screamed and held my weapon up, charging toward a blinding light.
The desert sun shone bright and unforgiving as I dashed through the alleyways of the decrepit town. With my pursuers still on my trail, I streaked past rusted old shacks. Each step sunk my feet deeper into the sand, making my feet and legs feel like bricks. My lungs burned as I tried to fill them with what little oxygen the thin atmosphere of this planet has. Still, I could not stop moving, not with what was coming after me. Lucky for me, I have been a runner and backpacker so I have more stamina than them.
As I turn my head back to see if they were still behind me, my foot knocked against a boulder. My ankle rolled to the side, sending me down to the hot sand with a hard thud. I put my hands out to stop the fall and scraped the flesh on the jagged rocks below before smacking my face into the ground. I scuttled to my feet, hair sticking to my eyes and face from the sweat. Sand clinging to my arms, legs, and hands, getting into my now searing cuts, I moved to start running again.
That’s when I was stopped by a stabbing pain in my ankle. I wanted to drop to the ground to inspect it but the sound of footsteps and yelling took my attention away from the pain. I turned my head to see the backside of the crudely built general store and saw shadows approaching from around the corner. I gritted my teeth and hobbled as fast as I could. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long. My ankle seared with pain and my breathing was now a gasping. My legs felt as if they were locked up with vice grips. Out of my peripheral, I saw a small shack. I ducked into it as they rounded the corner.
As I closed the door, my eyes were shrouded in a blanket of darkness. There was an odd metallic smell, but I ignored it. I peered through a tiny crack in the door and saw the men creeping.
“where’d she go?” the big burly one mumbled to his comrade. His hair was matted and unwashed. His teeth flashed an ugly brown yellow from tobacco and poor hygiene.
I watched as they stopped at the front of the shack. The smaller one motioned inside to big burly and they both grinned. They advanced forward and my body went cold as my heart began to pound in my ears. I looked around for a dark nook to hide in and didn’t see any. I backed away from the door as quiet as I could, hoping something would draw their attention away, or to find a weapon to defend myself. After about ten steps,, I backed into something. Whatever it was, it was solid and squishy. The metallic smell was stronger here.
I felt the object swing and move. It must’ve Dangled from the ceiling of the shack. I put my hand behind my back to feel the object. It was squishy but rigid. And cold. There was a wetness to it too. I brought my hand back up to see and my body went numb when I squinted to see the dark, sticky liquid. I slowly turned around to see what it was and slapped my clean hand to my mouth to stifle a scream. My heart raced and my blood went cold as I came face to face with a skinned corpse dangling from the ceiling. Not just this one, there were at least twenty of them. All cold, motionless, sending a series of shivers down my spine.
Then, I heard a weak gasp in the far corner.
“help-pp m..me” it groaned.
It was Jones, our pilot. He was dangled from the ceiling by bound wrists. A bucket lay beneath him. He was unclothed and covered in gashes and grime.
“h-h-help-p” he moaned again.
I made my way over to where he was and was astonished when I attempted to cut him down to see an IV and tube trailing from his arms to a blood bag on a pole to his right. His skin was grey and he struggled to keep his eyes open as his strangled breaths slowed.
“its me” I whispered
“Sophia?”
“yes” I replied.
His eyes lit up and he began to squirm.
“No, you have to get out of here before they get you too.” He said loudly as he began to struggle.
“sh..sh” I shushed him desperately “not without you, I’m getting you out of here too”
“no..n..noo” he said “get out of here go!”
“sh-sh” I looked around to see if anyone heard him. “ they might hear us” I pleaded.
But it was too late the door to the shack busted open with a bang and there stood the most ugly, horrifying creatures I’d ever laid my eyes on.
Chapter One
They say no one can hear a scream in space but what do they know? It’s all I hear day in and day out on this destitute waste-bucket barreling through the big empty at warp speeds. I hear them when I’m asleep, awake, when I do maintenance outside the ship. They’re always with me, and I never forget the faces.
Fifteen years in the USPD’s legionnaire squad will do that to a person. I’ve seen some shit and experienced things that would make a tough person break. Out of all the bloodshed, nothing compares to the VanFossen case. Amidst all the screaming and nightmares, it’s this one in particular that always stands out. The one that got away.
I lost a lot that day. Not only did I lose the case, but my partner as well. And in the corps, your partner was your lifeline. Something too sacred to lose. After recovering from my injuries in the hospital, chief sent me off on some R&R and when the shrink checked off I was okay, they sent me here on this hopeless case.
A backwater planet where multiple vessels become stranded before disappearing forever. It was pretty much a low key way of the department telling me ‘you fucked up so badly we don’t want you back. You’re useless to us now.’
As I lay in my cold, shabby quarters and think about this, I can’t help but become more intrigued by the case. A farming society on a planet where farming shouldn’t even be possible. The sun is too hot and there are no nutrients in the soil. The inhabitants don’t even produce enough waste on their own to make fertilizer.
My thoughts are interrupted by the captain as his voice rings out through the comms in my room.
“Hey, lieutenant, just wanted to give you a heads up. We dock at immigration in fifteen minutes.”
Stay tuned to figure out what happens next in Edge of Nowhere…
“We are, all of us, fragments of those who came before us and a foundation for those who will come after we are gone.”
L.P. Madera
Growing up, I was told my father’s side of the family was French-Canadian and my mother’s Scots-Irish. Not Scotch-Irish because Scotch is a whiskey, as my great-great-grandfather would say. That would make my brother and me French-Canadian-Scots-Irish, which sounds like an odd combination considering the both of us don’t look much like either, but what does that really mean?
When we talk about lineage, we often think of the more shallow aspects like what our parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents identified as. This is what supposedly defines who we are when we identify as European, Irish, Scottish, German, French, or whatever. Especially when we live in a community of individuals with whom we share ethnicity and physical traits. However, our roots run much deeper than that. These deeper roots of our ancestry are responsible for some of the phenotypic characteristics that make us appear ‘different’ from the typical person with whom we supposedly share our ethnicity. It can be frustrating to be told you are one thing but have phenotypic characteristics that make you appear to be something else according to others.
Throughout my childhood, I often wondered, “Do I perhaps have an ancestor, or ancestors, that passed these traits off to my mother, brother, and me? What did they look like? Where were they really from?” We never looked like the other Scots-Irish children from our community. Because of the shape of my face and eyes (which I inherited from my mom and she lovingly calls ‘moon eyes’ due to the crescent moon shape), I was often made fun of and labeled as Asian by some of my peers. My brother, on the other hand, inherited not only my mom’s ‘moon eyes’, but her darker skin as well making him look more South Asian to some. As I delved deeper into the realm of biology and genetics as a college student, I came to realize that it was not the shape of my eyes that gave me this look. My mother, brother, and I all share what is known as ‘epicanthic folds’ of our eyes. These are folds on the upper eyelids that cover the inner corner of the eye. There are many variations of this trait. From what I found from research articles, this trait is quite prevalent among individuals of Asian descent including those from Central Asia, North Asia, Southeast Asia, East Asia, Polynesia, and Indigenous Americans. However, it can occur less frequently in those of European descent such as Hungarians, Russians, and Scandinavians. One interesting theory I found was that this trait evolved for individuals living in colder climates. The extra fat and adipose tissue was said to help shelter the eye and sinuses from harsh, cold winds. Another was that this trait developed in equatorial regions to shield the eyes from harsh UV light.
The Genetic Aspect of it
Because I am a biologist and am passionate about sharing science with others, I will try to explain a few terms of genetics: Phenotype, genotype, and lineage. It is important to understand how they pertain to DNA and the human genome. DNA is described by many as the ‘blueprint for life’ because it contains everything needed to code an organism and help it function. To put this in simple terms, think of DNA as a computer code and the organism to which the DNA belongs, whether it be single or multicellular, as the computer program the code runs. The code consists of the four nucleotides Adenine, Thymine, Guanine, Cytosine, connected in an endless plethora of sequences. DNA is double-stranded with complementary nucleotides, or base pairing. Adenine pairs with Thymine and Cytosine bonds to Guanine through Hydrogen bonding. The variety of sequences code for the many different parts that make an organism unique and help it to function. An organism’s genetic makeup is known as the genotype. This is how the genes are organized and passed down to offspring. These genotypes code for physical characteristics that you can see; the phenotype. These can be hair color, eye color, eye shape, and any other visible traits. The characteristics can be recessive or dominant, meaning that one trait will show up over the other, even when the organism has alleles for both. However, genetics can be more complex. You can have codominance (think about AB blood type or pink flowers from a mix of red and white). You can also have incomplete dominance (think about tortoiseshell cats). Some traits even need multiple active genes to be expressed (yellow labs that have the genes for black or chocolate coats appear yellow because they have an active gene for no pigment). Furthermore, some genes will usually only be expressed by females while the others are generally male-dominant in what is known as sex-linked inheritance. There are even traits that can skip one or multiple generations and appear many years later, leading to a change in phenotype.
As you can tell, genetics can be quite a complex, yet fascinating topic, and I have only brushed the tip of the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other factors and I’m not even going to go in-depth on the combinations of DNA that get passed to offspring/split during reproduction, or how genes can do random crossing and combinations. however, I recommend you check the links I have provided if you are interested in reading further.
The Reason Behind this Journey of Discovery
Now, to get to the point. To fully grasp why I am rambling on about the subject and why I have begun this fascinating genealogical journey of self-discovery, you must first understand the motivations behind it. I have already disclosed one of these in the previous paragraphs. Growing up, I had a lot of issues with my identity because my mother, brother, and I looked ‘different’ according to other people. I also never really knew my ancestors or where I came from. In school, we would have little Dia De Los Muertos celebrations for Spanish class and I would always wonder which of my ancestors to remember. I’m sure it was like this for many of today’s youth as well.
The other reason was the death of my maternal grandmother. She passed away unexpectedly on November 17th, 2021. It shocked everyone in the family to their core. While she and I never shared religious/spiritual viewpoints (a topic we preferred to just avoid altogether so there would be no conflict), we did share a love for science fiction (Frank Herbert’s Dune and Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek especially) as well as genetics/genealogy. While she was still alive, she, my mother, and I took several ancestral DNA tests and compared results. These included tests from Ancestry DNA, MyHeritage, and CRI genetics.
Upon observing the different tests, it appeared that Ancestry only tested for the most recent ancestral lineages (Mine were: 32% Scotland, 23% England/Northwestern Europe, 18% Ireland, 17% Sweden/Denmark, 5% Germanic Europe, 4% Eastern Europe/Russia, and 1% Finland). However, MyHeritage and CRI genetics went deeper and explored older ancestors. From MyHeritage, I found that I had higher percentages of Scandinavian, Western European, and even some Iberian, Greek, and Ashkenazi Jewish. These results, I have compiled into different pie charts to help visualize the percentages better. While I didn’t take a CRI Genetics test, I am using my mom’s results. They conducted a recent analysis, which looks at five generations of her ancestors. The advanced analysis looked even further back. It went thousands of years well beyond the last five generations and looks at some of the oldest ancestors in the family history. This advanced ancestry broke her results into European, AdMixed American, South Asian, and East Asian. These four categories were broken further into smaller segments which is shown in the graph below. It was the most fascinating thing to find out because while the percentages were relatively low, perhaps it was these phenotypic traits that were expressed in my mother, brother, and me.
The Relic
Fast-forward to the week of November 17th, 2021, and the days that followed. I was emotionally numb and couldn’t believe my grandmother was gone just like that, in the blink of an eye. She hadn’t even gotten to see my book published yet, which was something she was excited about. It was Thanksgiving break and I was trying to find something to do to keep my mind off of things. That was when my mom brought home an ancient family bible that was passed down through many generations on my grandma’s side of the family. Looking at it sent shivers down my spine. This thing looked like something Sam and Dean Winchester would read out of and it was truly terrifying. The bible was wrapped in an old, brown paper sack and bound in an ancient string. It looked like something that would put a curse on us if opened, yet curiosity got to us and we opened it anyway. It was from the 1800s and the binding was old leather wrapped around wood boards, not like the pressed cardboard of today’s hardbound books. There were newspaper clippings and ancient pictures of relatives I’d never seen before. Their eyes looked as though they would burn a hole through my pupils and into my soul. One of the most fascinating items was an old piece of parchment that had been handwritten with a quill and ink! It contained names of the people to whom the bible was for (the Dicksons). There were names of the children as well as the years of birth and death and who they had married. Some of these people even dated back to the Revolutionary War and beforehand. I was now fully intrigued to find out everything I could about my ancestors. I took some dramatic photographs of the bible and posted them below. These images themselves will likely curse all who gaze upon them (muahaha).
Tree Work: Digging through the Roots
For the days leading up to my grandmother’s funeral, my parents stayed with my grandpa to keep him company. They asked if I could watch their house for them and keep the woodstove burning since it was cold that week. I was now alone and more restless than I had ever been (despite having to prepare for finals week for which I had no concentration whatsoever). I continued to look through some of the other totes that had belonged to my grandmother. The possessions included many beautiful handwritten letters and telegrams from her to various family members in Topeka, Kansas (her hometown). There were also photographs I had never seen before of her grandmother and grandfather (Susan Estelle Milne, and Captain Patrick Henry IV). It was quite amazing to see these pictures as I had seen other photos of them when I was younger but forgot what they looked like. I was also too young to really pay much attention to the family history. Grandma gave me Pat Henry’s World War II Navy binoculars four years ago which I have now made a shelf for in my office along with photos of the family. I was also surprised to find that Susan Estelle, her mother, and her children, shared the same almond-shaped eyes with epicanthic folds that I had. Perhaps this is where the phenotypic trait came from.
Captain Patrick Henry IV with his binoculars on a Naval aircraft carrier (Left) and me holding his binoculars many years later (right)Susan Estelle Henry with children Patrick and Susan Ione in ShanghaiFour generations of Susan womenMeMy mother and I when I was little
However, just the photographs and letters wouldn’t cut it for me. I still had to know more. Therefore, I purchased an add-on to my free Ancestry account which allowed me to access many more databases and files. This is where I began my family tree work! With each hint, information, and ancestor I found, the more addicting it became. I felt as though I was putting together one huge puzzle piece. When I hit a dead end on one part of the family, I would just grow another part. I was able to trace back family members on my mother and father’s side many generations! Some of the most interesting family members besides the entire Henry line had to be my fourteenth great-grandmother, Lady Isabella Maitland Heriot of Thirlestrane Castle in Berwickshire, Scotland! I thought that was pretty badass that she was born in a castle as was her family “You go, girl!”. Her father was a lord and poet to Queen Mary of Scots. She belonged to the Dickson side of the family. There were so many family members I discovered, it became difficult to keep track of them all. I now have five hundred and sixty-seven people in my family tree and the number keeps growing! Some other interesting information I found was on my paternal grandmother’s side. I now know my dad really is French-Canadian. In fact, I would consider him more of a Canadian than an American. It was fascinating looking through that entire line and seeing the amazing French names I had no idea how to pronounce. There were also many Swedish ancestors on my maternal grandmother’s side. However, one of the most promising discoveries was that of my sixth great-grandmother on my maternal grandmother’s side. Her name was Mary Ann Ogle. She was born in North Carolina in 1793 and was believed to have been full-blooded Cherokee. Although, it has not been confirmed.
Mary Ann Ogle
Top from left to right: Major General William Henry, his son General Patrick Henry, and Patrick Henry Jr. Bottom: Captain Patrick Henry IV and his wife, Susan Estelle Milne Henry
The Revelation
The day of my grandma Sue’s funeral came; November 23rd, 2021. She didn’t want anything too fancy, so just the immediate family came as well as one of her best friends. However, my brother and I had a competition to see which grandchild could dress the classiest (I think I won hands-down). We stood around her casket and said what was on our minds, to which I finally broke and cried. As I rode home in my parent’s car and thought about my grandma as well as the rest of my ancestors I was discovering, the quote at the beginning of this post came into my head. “We are, all of us, fragments of those who came before us and a foundation for those who will come after we are gone.” What does this mean? you may be asking yourself.
You see, as I delved deeper into my family history, I found many interesting details. Not only did I see some cool people that lived in castles, but I found two other things that had an impact on me. The first was the difference in where my mom’s side of the family originated in America versus my dad’s. My mom’s side was all from the south. They settled around Missouri, Kansas, Texas, and Arkansas. Some members fought on the Confederate side of the Civil War. When I looked into my dad’s side, while most were from Quebec and didn’t really get involved in the U.S’s problems, the ones that did fought on the Union’s side. As I moved forward in history, I discovered that both sides had members that fought side-by-side in both World Wars I and II, with one of my dad’s relatives coming from Warsaw, Poland only to be thrust back over in WWII. The second shocking discovery that sent shivers down my spine was that in the times these people existed, they had multiple siblings, of whom most died in childbirth or childhood. On both sides, these ancestors had upwards of twenty siblings. Quite a few of them didn’t even make it past the age of three or four. However, the ones that did make it to adulthood, including my ancestor, survived to have multiple children of their own.
Seeing this made me realize how precious life really is. If we all look at our ancestry, even if we don’t fully know our ancestry, there is one common theme: Survival. Somehow, the person that would go on to give birth to your ancestor and their siblings survived so much that could have taken their lives, whether it be the plague (the Bubonic wiped out nearly two-thirds of Europe’s population alone.), wars, poverty, famine, or even childbirth/childhood. Some of these ancestors had to survive multiple, one after the other, and yet, still, they survived. They all survived so that each of us could be here today. Any of the above circumstances could have wiped that ancestor out and caused any of us not to be here today.
It really is quite a humbling thought. While I do not agree with the ancestors that fought on the confederate side, I acknowledge they survived to bring forth the people that gave birth to me. I also find it fascinating that these two sides (my mother’s and father’s) who were opponents at one time, came together and fought in both World Wars and then migrated to where my own mother and father met and had my brother and me. Two sides that, at one time, had so much to dislike each other for, somehow came together to create me. It is like this for many of us. We are all survivors and a lot of us have ancestors with darker pasts that we can only hope to learn from in order to contribute to a better future. That is the meaning of the quote.
I am excited to continue my journey of self-discovery through genealogy and am now determined to trace my ancestry back all the way. While this may seem like an impossible feat that will surely take my entire life to accomplish, it is something that I have found a passion for and hope to pass down to the future generations in my family so that they will not spend their childhoods like mine, not knowing where their phenotypic characteristics came from. Unfortunately, my paternal grandmother also passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. This added to the heartbreak I was already feeling from my maternal grandmother’s passing. I was mostly disappointed because I was excited to ask her questions about my father’s ancestors as I knew she always loved sharing that information with me. However, I know now that they are both at peace. If there is an afterlife, I can imagine them sipping coffee and looking down at us living descendants with hope as we navigate our way through this life. I know no matter where they are, they are happy and rooting for us.
“Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”
Monologue of Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek
Many of you may recognize this quote from the popular 60’s sci-fi show, Star Trek. The featured protagonist, Captain James T. Kirk, embarked on many adventures through the universe with his friends aboard their beloved starship Enterprise. The central mission of the crew is to “explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations” and of course, “to boldly go where no man has gone before.” Since the beginning of time, humans have looked upon the stars with a sense of wonder and admiration. Ancient astronomers would even ‘connect the dots’ within the stars forming some of the constellations we know today. They would invent backstories for the gods, goddesses, and creatures they saw. Perhaps, this is why shows like Star Trek became so popular with many people. The central themes behind them restored this same sense of childlike wonder to those who dreamed of space as their ancestors before them.
Shows like this, in addition to the space race, fueled a new sense of excitement for the future. Since the end of the shuttle program, it seems that this sense of wonder and hope for our future has begun to diminish. With war, lack of funding, sickness, and climate change constantly holding us back, it has been extremely difficult to send humans back to the moon and beyond. Although NASA’s Artemis program and the rise in space tourism by eccentric billionaires like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Sir Richard Branson, have added new excitement in the space industry, there are still those who show intense disinterest and would rather drop the space program all together. The reasoning behind this belief is that we need to focus on saving our own planet before we destroy another one. Furthermore, there are still many individuals who are suffering on this planet and therefore it would be a waste of money and resources to invest in space exploration.
Others believe that interplanetary exploration is a necessity as our planet is doomed to perish in the future. The only hope of saving humanity is to broaden our reach and acquire multiple home planets. In a sense, both of these viewpoints are equally correct in their own way. Perhaps we should focus on nurturing our own planet and its people into a perfect paradise before we look for another home. However, it would also be the best idea to reach out into the stars for humanity’s sake, for the innovation of technology, better understanding of the universe, and the inspiration of people everywhere.
If we take a look at the pros and cons of traveling to space, the pros seem to outweigh the cons. For instance, in regards to the climate change argument, we can see that space travel actually helps us to better understand this issue in some ways. Most of the climate data and models researchers examine come from satellites put into orbit by climate scientists working for NASA and other affiliates. A lot of deep oceanic exploration is conducted by climate scientists and astrobiologists. Additionally, as we reach further out into space, we will encounter many new problems and the solutions to these problems will lead to new technologies that will benefit humanity. The biggest issue is that of food and how to grow it. Designing new food production technologies for astronauts will inevitably lead to methods that can be used to grow and distribute nutritious foods in impoverished areas of the world. NASA’s Deep Space Food Challenge that began early this year has been a prime example. The space agency asked the public to design a sustainable food production system that could help feed astronauts as well as those suffering from food insecurities on Earth. A technological feat more interesting is that of 3D printing. Astronauts on the International Space Station are conducting research that aims to use microgravity to 3D print human organs and other tissues. With this technology, humanity will no longer have to rely on organ donations or worry about bodily rejections due to an insufficient match.
While the benefits of space travel for humanity may seem endless, the greatest reason for exploration is this: humanity has always been, and will always be, curious. As Carl Sagan once said, “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” Without curiosity, humanity would be nowhere. You would not be here reading this blog post on whatever device you are using if your ancestors did not bring you here through curious exploration and risk-taking. The citizens of the countries that had the first maritime explorers probably felt the same way some of you do about space travel. They probably thought it was a waste of time and money but there is opportunity in exploration. There is hope in curiosity.
Those of you who think space exploration is a waste of time and money, that humanity should focus on saving our planet as well as our own suffering species, ask yourselves this: “What am I doing to help?” If the answer is nothing then do you really even get an opinion on the matter? If you are doing your part to help save this planet, if you are donating and volunteering in your local food pantry or Red Cross or Peace Corps, good for you. You are doing your part. My next question for you is: “Why can’t we do both?” Why can’t we go to space and help our people and our planet too? Is that so impossible? If so, why? Okay, that might be a few more questions than was expected but its something to consider.
Everyone has differing opinions. It’s what keeps things interesting between humans. Sometimes, this can be a good thing while other times, it can lead to intense conflict and even war. We must all remember how little we are in this endless universe. All we have is each other and while nothing we do may matter in the vast scheme of things, we do have the power to change the world around us and help one another. There are over seven billion humans scattered throughout this big ball of rock and water. We have the power to do really great things. We just have to believe in ourselves individually and as a whole.
With that, I will leave you all with some inspiring space-related quotes:
“When I orbited the Earth in a spaceship, I saw for the first time how beautiful our planet is. Mankind, let us preserve and increase this beauty and not destroy it.”
Yuri Gagarin (Russian Cosmonaut- First human in space)
“Don’t tell me man doesn’t belong out there. Man belongs wherever he wants to go-and he’ll do plenty well when he gets there.”
Wernher Von Braun (Aerospace Engineer)
“A sense of the unknown has always lured mankind and the greatest of the unknowns today is outer space. The terrors, the joys, and sense of accomplishment are epitomized in the space program.”
William Shatner (American Actor- Captain Kirk- Star Trek)
“Every generation has the obligation to free men’s minds for a look at new worlds…to look out from a higher plateau than the last generation.”
Ellison S. Onizuka (First Asian-American Astronaut to fly in space)
“All of a sudden, space isn’t friendly. All of a sudden, its a place where people can die…many more people are going to die. But we can’t explore space if the requirement is that there be no casualties; we can’t do anything if the requirement is that there be no casualties.”
Isaac Asimov (American Writer)
“Science is not a boy’s game, its not a girl’s game. Its everyone’s game. It’s about where we are and where we’re going. Space travel benefits us here on Earth. And we ain’t stopped yet. There’s more exploration to come.”
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Bene Gesserit Litany against fear: Frank Herbert’s Dune
Frank Herbert’s Dune, published in 1965, is a science fiction novel that follows the life of young Paul Atreides (Muad’dib) and his rise to power as ‘the chosen one’ on the desert planet Arrakis. Paul was born into the noble family Atreides on the water planet, Caladan. His father, Duke Leto, was the twenty-sixth generation ruler of Caladan. He and the Atreides family were sent to rule Arrakis due to the Duke’s popularity and the emperor’s insecurities that the people liked him better. Paul’s mother, Lady Jessica, was a Bene Gesserit, a religious sisterhood whose members train their bodies and minds to obtain supernatural powers. She taught him the way of the Bene Gesserit, which was uncommon to teach male children. However, she and the reverend mother believed that Paul would become the Kwisatch Haderach, a savior who could see all.
This is a strange and fascinating story full of drama, betrayal, and bizarre sandworms that people ride upon and collect a mélange drug ‘spice’ from. Throughout the story, Paul is faced with many scenarios that would scare a normal person half to death. However, this Litany against fear was one of the many sayings he memorized in his Bene Gesserit training. It is a meditative chant or mantra used to steady oneself in times of stress or anxiety in order to have a clear mind. Each challenge he was faced with he would always clear his mind and tell himself, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.”
What is fear? In technical terms, fear can be defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the perception that something or someone will cause pain or a threat to life. This can be an innate response, ( a survival mechanism that has stuck with humans through evolution.) Innate fears include phobias such as arachnophobia, fear of snakes, or a fear of heights. These fears can be easy to adapt to and overcome. But what about the others?
Fear of failure is one of the biggest circumstances that holds us back in life. It keeps us from trying new things due to the possibility of embarrassment. These are perfectly normal scenarios to have anxiety for. By nature, humans love routines and are attracted to patterns. Especially, if those routines/patterns benefit them. It is normal to be afraid of taking risks and trying new things out of the fear of losing everything.
Many of us ask ourselves, “What if it doesn’t work? What if it goes wrong and I fail/lose everything?”. Next time you find yourself asking this, try telling yourself instead, “What if it does work and it actually turns out well? What if it changes my life for the better?”
Fear can get in the way of many important avenues of our lives. Sometimes, to the point where it consumes us. We stop taking risks, we settle and accept monotonous or ‘good-enough’ lives. Sometimes, we live unsatisfactory lives out of fear for something worse. Fear keeps us from applying to jobs, moving out of our hometowns/states, persuing relationships, or ending them all due to a factor of uncertainty. The outcome is unknown and that just flat out disturbs us.
One of the most important things to remember is that fear is not only the mind-killer like Paul recites in the Bene Gesserit Litany against fear, but it is also the dream-killer. It keeps us from pursuing better lives for ourselves and others and this is not good. We are not sessile like trees, with roots planted deep within the ground. We are free spirits meant to live our lives to the fullest no matter what. We only get one life. One shot. None of us knows which day will be our last.
So, next time you find yourself faced with a tough decision, all of the pros outweigh the cons and the only thing holding you back is fear, you look that big old fear monster right in its ugly eyes and tell it what old Jack Burton always says, “Give me your best shot. I can take it, because the check is in the mail.”
Now, go out and live your lives to the fullest. Don’t be afraid, because fear is the mind-killer. And remember, stay curious, and never, ever, stop exploring.
